WHY DEPEND ON OTHER PEOPLE FOR YOUR OWN HAPPINESS?
“Happiness is when what you think, what you say, and what you do are in harmony.” —Mahatma Gandhi
Happiness is a sense of well-being, joy, or contentment.
I would like to believe this is a continuation of the previous post on ‘Happiness as a part of self love’. Because here I am also going to talk on finding your own happiness, without feeling like certain people or relationships are the reason you are not happy.
There are millions of people, adults who are living believing that someone is ‘their happy place’. They are living life thinking and believing that someone is the ‘reason for their happiness’. Hmmm.
My dears, if you are one of these people then you need to know that you are wrong. You are so wrong! No body is the reason for your happiness. Nobody should be the reason for your happiness. Nobody should be your happiness. If and when you begin to attribute your happiness to people, you begin to give power over you, over your happiness, over your emotions, over your mental well being to them. And when they hurt or disappoint you, your sanity begins to suffer. When you link your happiness to anybody, then you are letting the person have total control over you and your emotions and your thoughts. And once anybody has control over your emotions and your thoughts, that person automatically has control over your life. Why give anybody control over your life? If the person dies, what happens? If the person hurts you, what happens then? If the person disappoints you, what happens to you? If the person wakes up one day decides they no longer want to be a part of your life, which means they can no longer be your happy place nor the reason for your happiness, what do you think will happen to you? Again, I ask, why give anybody control over your life?
Why depend on people for your own happiness?
People will fail you.
People will hurt you.
People will definitely disappoint you.
People will leave you, eventually.
If you know this, then why will you want to be dependent on them for something as important and as precious as your happiness?
In previous episodes, I wrote about self love, loving one’s self, self worth, self acceptance. Working and learning how to love yourself wholly, better than anyone ever could. Accepting yourself, faults, flaws and all, letting go of everything and everyone that does not add any value to your life. Love yourself intentionally, Love yourself selfishly, Love yourself possessively, love yourself in such way that no one could ever understand, no one but you. Find your purpose. Find and discover what you love doing, your purpose will bring you happiness in its purest form. When you start to do things that make you happy, when you leave a job that takes all of your time but adds zero value to your life and you begin to do what really brings you satisfaction, joy, fulfilment, a sense of accomplishment, then you will also discover your happiness. You will know your self worth when you learn to appreciate, accept and love everything about you and what you do. When you know your self worth, what others think of you would not bother you any more. Because only you can know you best and only you can love you best. Only you can make you happy. Only you can bring you the happiness that you crave. Only you can bring you the happiness that you deserve. Only you can and should be your happy place. Only you can and should be the reason for your happiness. Only you should be the reason behind your smiles, the reason behind your joy, the reason behind your glow and the reason behind your happiness. When you are your own happy place, when you are the reason for your happiness, YOU GLOW DIFFERENTLY.
Now pay attention to my next words carefully;
It’s okay to surround yourself with great and amazing people who add to your happiness and your purpose. Emphasis on ‘add’. These great and amazing people are ‘adding to’ your happiness. They are not the reason for your happiness. They are not your happiness. They only add to your value and by extension, they are adding to your happiness and purpose. Never mistake the role of people in your life. Everyone comes into your life to add not to be. They come to add to your joy, but you are already a happy soul because you are your own happiness. They only add to that happiness that you have discovered, the happiness you have worked hard to attain on your own, by yourself and for yourself.
Never over estimate the value of people in your life. Not your friends, not your love interests, not even your colleagues at work. They are in your life for only one purpose and that’s to add value to you, who you already are, who you have become.
Never believe that your happiness lies in a particular relationship. I say this because a lot of the time, young individuals who make it habit to think with their heart and not their heads, make the mistake of thinking and believing that finding a ‘perfect partner’ is the key to their happiness. Thoughts and beliefs like this will only harm you in the long run. That is because you will only go through several partners all in the name of finding happiness in the perfect man/woman. Like I said earlier, people will hurt you, they will disappoint you and they will leave you. Know this and then begin to think differently.
Instead of thinking or believing that your happiness lies in the perfect partner, you need to believe that your happiness lies within you. You are your own happiness. You are your own happy place.
Listen, when you see for yourself that you are the only one that can truly make you happy, then you will understand that these people we consider to be perfect partners can only add or subtract to or from this happiness that you already posses. And so when they do leave or disappoint you or even try to hurt you(yes I say try because that’s all they can do!) Their absence will barely be missed. Their absence will not and can not break you. Because you have gotten stronger and better. and that’s Because you love you intentionally and you are your own happy place.
Years back, my relationships didn’t work out. None of them lasted beyond a particular period of time. And so I began to believe that I can’t have any meaningful relationship. I started to think, believe and accept that the reason these relationships did not work was because I was not happy in them. The reason those relationships did not work was because these men(who were amazing individuals by the way) could not make me happy. And then I set out to look for a man that would make me happy. I held on to this belief that ‘if I find a man that makes me happy, I’ll hold on to him and only then will I be happy myself’. And so for years, I started and ended lots of relationships with really great men because ‘they were not making me happy’. It never occured to me that the fault was not from them. The fault was from me! I had not taken the time to search myself, know myself, know my flaws and my faults and accept them, work on them, become a better person for myself first and then for those around me. I didn’t love myself enough, I had not accepted myself wholly, I didn’t know my self worth and as a result, I was not happy. And if I wasn’t happy with myself and within myself how then was anyone ever going to make me happy? How then will I be able to help or add value to another person’s life? I could not grow beyond that point, I was not happy with myself, I was not proud of myself, and in summary I was not actually living, I was only existing in time and place. I was stuck! And looking back now, I can only see how sad and pitiful I was and probably looked to other people. It took me so long to get to a point where I want to live for me. I want to be happy every day with myself and for myself. Before I was quick to hurt, quick to cry and quick to blame others. But now, I know that if I don’t do for myself the things that I crave, I’ll only have me to blame and no one else. And so I wake up every morning, motivated to love me more and to be happy, to not let anyone get in the way of my happiness and achievements. And so I can proudly and boldly say that I am a better person everyday. I am learning new things about myself and about life, I am putting in the work, and I have never been happier!
That will be all for now. Thank you for spending A Moment With Jennie. Let’s continue with more inspiring topics in the next article where we can be motivated to be and do better for ourselves. Thanks for reading!
A Moment With Jennie 